.:.Everythings Here.:.

Sometimes, I hate myself. For all the things I did. For all the things I didn't do. For all the things I said. For all the things I kept inside. For all the wishful thinkings. For all the thoughts I put aside. For all the things I put people through. For all the nice things I didn't do.  Maybe a basket case. A liability. Maybe too melancholic for anyone to hold.  

I don't need the whole world to tell me I'm happy before I think I'm happy.  I don't need the whole world to say I'm worth it before I think I'm worth it.  I don't need the whole world to say I'm not perfect before I know I'm flawed.  I don't need the whole world to tell me we're special before I think we are.  I'm content. I'm worth it. I know I'm flawed. And I know we're special.  I'm not gonna go that extra mile to seek for anybody else's approval. I don't need them. But I will go that extra extra mile just because. Just because I know it's worth it. You're worth it. The people in my life, are worth going that extra mile for.

Sometimes, I hate myself. For all the things I did. For all the things I didn't do. For all the things I said. For all the things I kept inside. For all the wishful thinkings. For all the thoughts I put aside. For all the things I put people through. For all the nice things I didn't do. 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't have anything good to say to you. I could just lend you my ears, my shoulders.  Even that I can't do much, I still hope I'm the first person you think of when you have something to tell. Call me selfish, but I have one tiny hope that I'm the only one you would want to tell anything to.  Because you're certainly the person I want to tell everything.

It doesn't take an empty room to make you feel alone. It doesn't take people leaving you to feel left out. Sometimes, you just don't feel good. And then it'll go away. But in the mean time, you'll get entries like these. Important things doesn't go on Twitter. Not on blog either. Important things go to somewhere isolated. Secured. Can't be breached. Sometimes, important things go to people that can be trusted. Different important things go to different people that can be trusted. Like recycled materials. All the recycled materials can be recycled, but they are categorized differently. Or something like that. For me, important things go into writings. That no one else can read. Ha ha. Even if you have THAT person that you can tell and whine and speak everything that is on your mind, would they listen every single time? Tak menyirap ka setiap kali whine about almost the same thing. If I don't whine, I don't whine at all. But if I do, might be the s...

I don't know if this love is going to last or if it's eternal or if it's my happy ending but at the time being, this love is what I want to protect. You know how jewelry stores showcase their most valuable jewelry inside a glass box with extra protection? That's how I guard my love. Sorry if you're suffocating. Thank you for making me happy at times. And thank you for making me miserable too, as it reminds me that nothing last and nothing is perfect & we have to deal with it. Thank you for letting me be me. Thank you for loving me the way I am. I know I am very, very irrational and childish at times. I whine, I cry, I get upset over the smallest things possible and I seem weak when I'm by your side. Just like how we whine at our mothers when we're young for comfort, I'm doing it with you, now.  Till death do us part. 

Hello. The main reason I wanna be rich is because I wanna buy all the things I want. And to buy things I think my loved ones will love. And to be like comfortable. You know, all the sort. But I think, most people wanna be rich too because.. then we can do charity. Kan? With everything I read, see, heard.. I think charity is something that is just.. inhumane if you have the heart to ignore it. If you're capable if doing so la. If you yourself is a charity case (like me = student = no money ha ha), different story. Remember, you may not get back what you give here but at the very least, it'll give your soul a boost.